Emptiness
by OmoideKeeper
Summary: Updated 12.28.02. PG-13 for language and some themes. Future Taito. Yama-Angst. Is Yamato as worthless as he believes? CH 10: Taichi finds out Yama's reasoning behind staying with Kyou, Shin remains trapped, Koushirou prepares himself for a meeting.
1. Chapter 1

Emptiness

By OmoideKeeper

* * *

Disclaimer: I only own Digimon in my dreams...'cause if I owned it, it would have way too much swearing and yaoi for it to be a kids show...not to mention ANGST   


* * *

  
Warnings: Abuse, yaoi, major angst...etc.etc.etc.   


* * *

  
A/N: Once agin, I'm so sorry, Yamato...   


* * *

Yamato's POV 

I sigh as I walk to school. Another day, another test, another goddamn set of hours I have to stay in this f*cking place. And afterwards I'll go home. And at home I'll cook dinner for Masaheru. And he'll come home and hate whatever it is I make, no matter what I try to do, no matter how many times I try to make something I think he'd like. It's never good enough for him. And then the next day, the cycle will start again. 

_"Life is_   
_ a spider's web_   
_ catching_   
_ as you try_   
_ in vain_   
_ to escape_   
_ the world_   
_ and you_   
_ are a_   
_ single_   
_ fly_   
_ caught_   
_ waiting_   
_ to be_   
_ eaten."_

Sure, I'd been part of the Digidestined when I was a kid. But now? Who really gave a damn that I'd helped save the world? Who remembered? Oh, sure, Tai still gets people going up to him, saying 'Aren't you that kid who was there, who helped save the world?' 

Yeah, that was Yagami Taichi all right. 

But then again, Tai's prominent, Captain of the Soccer team, his hair and goggles a defining symbol synonymous with victory. Tai isn't a stupid student who doesn't go through a day without seeing the Principal and being threatened with expulsion. 

Ha. Expulsion. Like I really give a sh*t. 

"Ishida, are you paying attention?!" 

Damned science teacher. I would love to go up to her and spit in her face, informing her no one really cares whether they know how the hell their bodies work or whatever sh*t we're currently discussing. I'm not even sure anymore. 

"Ishida! Go to the office!" 

Again. Again with the office. No one wants me in class anymore. After all, I don't do anything, so why should I take up space? It's not as if any of it matters. 

It's not as if I matter.   
  


"Yamato." 

Sh*t. It's him. My...boyfriend. I thought I wouldn't see him today, not anywhere, definitely not at my locker, but there he is, waiting for me, once again with those eyes looking at me. 

"I thought you were coming over to see me yesterday, Yamato." 

His eyes are so cold, so full of that burning anger only I can see. I must really have hurt him yesterday by not showing up. Everyone else looks at him and sees only the happy guy he wants them to see. They see the nice, popular guy who everyone goes to for advice. That's who he is. 

"I got busy," I mumble, not looking up as I put a binder in my locker. What a great lie, Yamato. 

Suddenly, he slams the door on my hand, and I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out. "You'd better not be busy today," he warns, walking off. 

I count to thirty, making sure he's really gone before I pull the door open, shoving the rest of my books in. I don't really care that I'm going to miss class and Masaheru's going to kill me. 

If he notices. 

I gotta go home before I go over to his house. I gotta change, gotta make dinner...gotta stop these tears. I'm empty, empty, empty... 

_"Falling_   
_ falling_   
_ running_   
_ weeping_   
_ sobbing_   
_ lost_   
_ alone_   
_ empty."_

I enter his home through the passageway he showed me before. It's not that he wants me to be kept a secret--that much I'm sure of, he's flaunted me before--but that it's a way of making me feel as he wants me to. 

Let's get this straight. He's never so much as kissed me without my consent. He's not that kind of person. 

No, not my Kyousuke. 

"You're late." 

So, he was waiting. He hates waiting. Always impatient. "Sorry." 

"No, you're not. You never are." 

He's right. 

"Goddamnit, Yamato, what the hell is wrong with you?" 

I don't know. 

"You're always so f*cking late, and all I'm doing is trying my hardest to help you!" 

I know. 

"Come on, I've got a sh*t load of homework, and I want to talk to you first." 

I come before. I know...Kyousuke. 

Entering his bedroom, I wonder what I did to deserve Kyousuke. He listens to me and sets me straight, if nothing else. Do I love him? I think I do. But I'm empty. 

It's not like it matters. 

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A/N: R&R please! I'll put up the next chappie when there's at least 10 reviews, so if you like it make your friends read it! (I'm shamelessly review hunting...) 


	2. Chapter 2

Emptiness

By OmoideKeeper

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Taichi's POV 

There he is again. Ishida Yamato, my old friend from the Digital World all those years ago. Once again, he's with that Harukawa Kyousuke. Once again, I wonder why I never see Yamato anymore, why he's always with Kyousuke. Once again, I can't see any emotion in his eyes, his eyes that always remind me of shattered sapphires. 

Shattered sapphires tossed like so much garbage away from someone, rejected and rejecting all comfort. 

I don't know what it is, but I've never liked that guy, Kyousuke. He always seems to think that there's something owed to him from everyone, and I know for a fact that he's just a greedy bastard. I guess Yamato sees something in him I don't, but then again, I think I'm pretty fair about this kind of thing. 

Usually, at least. 

Why the keeper of Friendship would be hanging out with a guy like him, I have no idea...much less why Yama's dating him. Damnit, I said I wouldn't think about that. I said I wouldn't care about the fact that I think my old friend's making one of the biggest mistakes of his entire life, and jeopardizing his future. 

I found out about those two a while ago, by accident because I asked someone why they were always together. I'll never forget the look on Matsuhiko-kun's face when he replied to me in shock: "_You mean, you DON'T KNOW?! They've been dating for the past two months!!"_ He'd made it sound like the whole world knew about those two. 

Then I found out the whole world DID know about them. It just happened that I wasn't part of that world at that time. 

I never would've thought someone as strong as Yamato would end up with that kind of guy, but then again, maybe I didn't know Yamato as well as I thought I had. Besides, people change, and I haven't even talked to Yamato since we came back from the Digital World. I've barely seen anyone, barely talked to anyone. There might have been something that changed during all that time, right? 

I sound pathetic, don't I? 

All right, I'll admit it. I don't want to see Yamato making a big mistake. To see his eyes like that, as shattered as a crystal sapphire thrown out onto the street and smashed by careless footsteps into thousands of pieces, it kills me. I don't know what happened to him to make his eyes like that. They've been like that since I've known him, but they've gotten even more shattered since then, and I hate it. I hate it so much! 

People say Kyousuke really loves Yamato. They say he's happy with going out with that Harukawa guy. If that's true, then I hope Kyousuke's really a nice guy, the way people seem to think he is. And I hope that Kyousuke's not hiding anything from the rest of this twisted world. And I hope that the sinking feeling I have every time I see them together is just a fluke that'll go away. 

Damnit, I don't want Yama to get hurt! I want him to come to me if something's wrong! 

I don't know why, don't ask me, but something about those shattered eyes makes me feel a little overprotective of him, never mind that we haven't talked in almost forever. Never mind the fact that Yama so obviously doesn't want to know me anymore. Something about the haunted look in those twin orbs makes me want to take Yama into my arms and keep the world from hurting him as it so obviously has... 

Ok, so maybe I'm worried about a friend. And don't get me wrong, I think it's great that Yama's found someone he thinks he can trust, someone who everyone says is such a nice guy who'll take good care of Yama. But this guy...Kyousuke...I don't know, he gives me a really bad feeling. It's almost as if he makes me think he's going to do something to really hurt someone--namely Yama getting seriously hurt, and those eyes shattering even further into oblivion with no one around to pick up those shards. 

Does any of this make sense? 

"Oi! Taichi!" 

Who the-- 

Kyousuke. 

"Hey, Kyousuke!" I call back with a big smile. I have to smile, don't I? I mean, he's popular, talking to me...I should be flattered, right? How many people does Kyousuke talk to everyday, I mean? 

Do I really give a damn? 

No, not really. 

He jogs over after a few words to Yama, who nods and seems to disappear without an argument. THAT IS NOT THE YAMATO I KNEW. The Yamato I knew would never have just willingly gone along with something as stupid as not seeing an old friend...right? Please, someone, tell me I'm right about that much. I can't stand to be wrong about that. I want to say I knew Yama, even if I don't know what the hell's happened to him since then, I DID know him back then, right? Right? Didn't I? I did, right? 

I should just shut up. I sound so stupid. 

"Big game today, yeah?" he asks me, smiling and seeming to fit in perfectly with the rest of the guys. All of us soccer players, clustered around me because I happened to draw Captain of the team for the third year in a row. I think it's mainly because we've won the championships the past two years while I've been captain of the team and someone thinks I've got something to do with that, but hey, I could be wrong. Yay. I'm the Captain of the great soccer team of Odaiba High for the third time. 

Damn, why can't I get even a little excited about soccer anymore? It used to be such a big thing for me. And now I wonder what I saw in it at all. I don't say anything to the rest of the team, but I don't know if I'll go out for the team next year, my senior year. I mean, what's the point? It's just a stupid sport. 

Man, I'm really caving in. 

"Yeah, championships!" I grin at him, wondering when I got to the point where I don't have to feel happy to seem so. I never used to be like this. "And defending our title too, of the past two years I might add!" 

Great, Tai, you sound so stupid. 

"Ever since you became the Captain, you guys haven't lost a single game! You're like, a prodigy or something, Taichi!" Kyousuke smiles, but for some reason I can't see it reach his eyes. What am I talking about? I don't know. 

Why don't I care that I'm getting that kind of compliment? So many people would love to be gushed over like this, and I would've before too, but it's Kyousuke...and Yama's gone. 

Why the hell do I keep thinking about him?! 

And why can't I go talk to him? 


	3. Chapter 3

Emptiness

By OmoideKeeper

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Yamato's POV 

I wonder if it'll ever come to a close, this whole thing. Kyousuke says the soccer championships are today, after school, and I'm going with him. Well, actually he said he'd like me to go with him, but that's the same thing, isn't it? After all, he takes so much time out of his life for me, can't I even go to a stupid soccer game with him for one afternoon? Can't I do what he wants for once, instead of being so f*cking selfish and always thinking of myself? 

I owe Kyou so much, and I don't know how I can ever repay him for everything he's ever done for me, for how well he takes care of me. How well he takes care of me when no one else gives a damn whether or not I live or end up in some hell hole on the streets. So, I'll go to the soccer game with Kyou, so I won't be so selfish anymore. 

But I don't want to. Tai's going to be there, and I don't want to see him. I don't want to see him at all. He makes me forget that I'm with Kyousuke, and I can't forget that. Kyou's my world. He takes care of me, and makes sure that I'm all right, and no matter what, I can't forget that. That's why Kyou wants me to stay away from Tai, why he warns me not to talk to him when I see him, not to let him see me at school, not to call him back when he calls me. That's why Kyou gets mad when I talk about Tai, why he looks at me with those big hurt eyes. 

Even though I'm empty, I hate seeing those eyes looking at me, asking me why I hurt him so much. So I don't look at them, I keep him from looking like that as much as I can, listening to him, doing what he asks of me. It's not hard to follow Kyou's instructions, he doesn't ask me for much, but as long as I do what he asks, he won't look like that. 

_ "People always_   
_ seem to_   
_ say_   
_ there's hope_   
_ in this_   
_ strange_   
_ cruel world_   
_ phoenixes_   
_ rise_   
_ from ashes_   
_ after all_   
_ but_   
_ fantasy_   
_ lies."_

And then, after the soccer game, after talking with Kyou, I'll go back home, where Masaheru will hate whatever I do, even if it's nothing, where Natsuko will call the house just to yell at someone again--after all, she can't yell at Takeru, can she?--where Takeru will call and ask why they still fight after all this time, why they can't just get along. And I'll have to tell my little brother I don't know. It's better than telling him the truth, isn't it? 

It's better than telling him that it's because both of them want Takeru, that both of them wish I was never born, right? It's better to let him think there's no reason than to make it our fault, right? For Takeru at least... but then, I already know that it's my fault they fight all the time. Masaheru's told me so many times how much better his life would be if I would just jump off the building. I've never had the courage to do that, even though it would make him happier. 

Not to say I haven't thought about it. Kyou always gets mad when I talk about things like that, so I learned to stop telling him about those thoughts. After all, it's better than making him angry, right? I don't... deserve to make him angry. He's too good to me for me to make him angry again, over and over again and again... I feel bad that I'm keeping things, but all my emotions are gone now. There's nothing left. I'm empty. So, so empty... 

Is Kyou talking to Tai?! 

Why would he be talking to Tai? He always gets mad when I say I want to talk to Tai. I don't understand this anymore. Why would Kyou do something he's told me I shouldn't do? It doesn't make any semblance of sense, no, not at all. But then, Kyou knows what he's doing, he always does. That's just the point, isn't it? He's teaching me how to think for myself. He's teaching me to be more independent, to not think about other people. 

Only Kyou. 

_"Only you..._   
_ all the world_   
_ can disappear_   
_ only you_   
_ care_   
_ enough to_   
_ help_   
_ so_   
_ all the world_   
_ can disappear_   
_ into oblivion_   
_ and_   
_ ashes_   
_ right?"_

Damn, what's wrong with me? Oh, look, there's Kyou now. I'm hiding in the shadows of the building for him, because he says I shouldn't let Taichi see me. He's right, but...how should I know why he says those things? And I shouldn't question it. Kyou knows best. 

Doesn't he? 

"Yamato, I told you to stay where he couldn't see you!" Kyou whispers furiously, and I find myself involuntarily cringing at his voice. There. I've done it again, I've made him angry, and it's my fault. I'm sorry, Kyou, I didn't mean to do that again. Why am I always screwing up? Maybe it was better before I opened up, that way I wasn't hurting anyone else. "Don't you trust me?" he asks, and I can see the frustration in those eyes, those oh-so-radiant dark eyes. The frustration and the hurt. 

I didn't mean to do that... 

His fist connects with my arm, and I wince as it hits a bruise from the last time I got him mad. Yesterday, I think. Yeah, when I was late to seeing him. "I'm sorry," I whisper softly, and he growls threateningly at that. I forgot. He hates it when I apologize just after he hits me. He says it makes it seem like I'm only doing it because of that, and it only makes him angrier to know I don't care enough to apologize before that. He says it hurts him. 

It's not that I don't care, I want to tell him, It's just that I forgot. I want to tell him, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry, I want you to be happy again, only please don't leave me alone again... please... I couldn't stand it if I was alone. 

Finally I slump down, wishing the school day was over, wishing I didn't have to see the pain in Kyou's eyes any longer. Oh, I forgot. The soccer game. The championships. I said I'd go with him to that, right? That means... I'll have to see that pain for so much longer. It'll be there every time he looks at me, every time I so much as glance at him. 

"Don't you care at all about me?" Kyou asks, and I desperately find his eyes, trying to think up a way to explain to him that I'm sorry, that I love him, that I don't want to lose him ever. Somehow... I don't know how I can make him understand. 

"I didn't mean to," I manage, wincing as his fist hits me in the stomach. Curling up, I wonder why he's so angry with me again. Did I really hurt him that much? I didn't... mean to... I'm sorry, Kyou... I didn't mean to... don't be angry... 

"Get up," he orders me, and I struggle to do so, glad that he never hits me where the bruises will show. So kind about that, Kyou is. Always thinking a few steps ahead so I don't have to. Making it so much easier for me. 

He kisses me gently, and I lean into it. I love him... 

"You're not going to tell anyone about this, are you, Yamato?" he asks when he finally breaks away to capture my gaze with his own. Worry rises in those beautiful orbs, and he tenderly brushes away a tear that's gotten loose from my eyes. Stupid tear, stupid me... "After all, you know I'm only trying to help you, right, Yamato?" 

I nod my head at his last statement, allowing his arms to enfold me. 

I love him... 

* * *

Um... I've got the next part, but I think I'll wait till 15 reviews total show up, ne? *nods* Ok, well, we'll see what happens....... 


	4. Chapter 4

Emptiness

By OmoideKeeper

* * *

Well, minna, here we go, back to Tai... um... yeah. 

* * *

Taichi's POV 

Ok, so I admit that this afternoon was a total screw-up in terms of Kyousuke and talking and all of that. There was so much I could've done with that situation, and I really messed up the whole goddamn thing. I didn't mean to (almost) lose it in front of that complete and utter goddamn bastard. Really. I swear. Not that he noticed I almost did, but still. I didn't mean to. 

What I meant to do was confront him about why the hell he's going out with Yama, and whether or not he's going to be good to him. I didn't get aound to doing that, I know, but he'll be at the game today, so with luck, I'll be able to ask him then. I wonder if he'll bring Yama... nah, why the hell would he? If he's trying to keep me from seeing him, like I suspect, why bring him to the game, right? I'm obviously going to be there, I'm the captain of the whole goddamn team... Damnit... I almost wish he would bring Yama, just so I could see him there. 

I almost wish Yama would come on his own. 

Yeah. Right. That'll happen. Really. I'm sure. Just wait. You'll see. Yama will come running down and say Kyousuke's an idiot and will break up with him. Whatever. 

It's not fair, damnit!!! Here I am, preparing for what should be one of the most important games of my career, considering the scouts out there, but instead I'm worrying about a guy who probably has forgotten all about me and doesn't give a shit whether or not I live or die. Or even what the hell my name is. Or that I'm worried about him. Or any other goddamn thing. And why am I worrying? Because a guy who thinks he's my friend is going out with him. 

I'm really fucked up, aren't I? 

"Yagami!! Ready?" 

Now who's-- Oh. My teammate, the one who's always bouncing with energy and smiling, Shin. People always compare the two of us, say we're so much alike. So very much alike, smiles always lighting our faces. I wonder sometimes, how alike are we really? Is he truly as happy as he seems, or is he like me and simply pretending for everyone else's sake because that's how they want to see him? I would love to find out, to know if it's just me. 

But would I? 

Damnit, I haven't the faintest idea. 

"I'm always ready for a game, Shin! You know that!" I reply, my trademark grin plastered on my face, like my goggles on my head. Is it my imagination, or does his eyes darken slightly as he watches me? Does he really know how I feel? 

Damnit, I still don't know. 

Did I mention this is the worst kind of not knowing? This feeling of anxiety, that something's going to happen and not being able to do a single goddamn thing to stop it? This knowing that there's something completely and utterly wrong with a situation, but not being able to pinpoint what the hell it is? This helplessness as you have to watch something happen and not know quite what you want to stop until it happens? 

Why the hell can't I do anything? I want to help Yama... I really do. But I can't. And what's up with Shin? I don't know. And I don't really care, do I? But... something else's supposed to be going on today... oh, it's the anniversary of that day we went to the Digital World. Great. I should call Hikari and remind her or something. She likes to go see Takeru on these days. Not like she's not seeing him all the time otherwise, but still. 

A perfect day for me to find some shit out, right? Please say I'm right. I need to figure out this whole goddamn mess before I go insane, or something happens to Yama. I couldn't bear it if something happened to Yama. Please let this work out somehow. 

* * *

Gametime. We're ahead. I don't even know the score anymore. I lost track a while ago. I don't really give a damn what the hell happens in this goddamn stupid game. Kyousuke and Yama are in the stands, and that's the only important thing. 

Maybe I have a completely overactive imagination running even further than usual, first thinking something about Shin, but... I have the strangest feeling Yama's watching me. Trying to tell me something with his eyes, his oh-so-beautiful shattered sapphire-gemstone eyes. Wanting me to know something he can't say. Something about Kyousuke. 

Of course, that IS what I would like to see. 

Why the goddamn hell can't Yama come talk to me? Why does he have to be going out with Kyousuke, who's probably only using him for the fact that he's obviously the most beautiful guy anyone's ever laid eyes on? 

Oh shit, I didn't just think that. I'm worried about Yama because he's a friend. A good friend. A good friend who's gotten himself into a shitload of trouble. 

I need to sit down. Badly. 

Oh good, time out. Now I can plead sick and sit on the bench for the rest of the game, with any luck. I mean, we're... ten points up. Wow. Pretty good. I mean, it's championships. We shouldn't be ahead by this much. What's going on? 

Oh. I keep scoring. People are congratulating me, saying we've got it won. 

I want to shout at them, I don't give a fuck that we're winning!!! Where's Yama? Why the hell does Kyousuke have this hold over him?! 

"Coach? Can I sit out for a while? I don't feel so good," I call over, hoping I look as bad as I feel. He laughs and nods, congratulating me. 

I hate this. 

"Taichi, you wanna go to the locker rooms?" a quiet voice asks from beside me as I sit. Glancing to the side, I have to admit, I'm a little surprised to find it's Shin. Shin's not quiet. Shin just smiles and bounces. So, what's with that serious expression? 

"... Sure?" I ask, not sure at all. 

We dash there, and he sits me down. "Whatcha worried about, Tai?" he asks, looking into my eyes. I never noticed before how blue his eyes are, or how much he looks like a sweeter, smiling version of Yama. Damn. This is getting fucked up. 

I can't smile. I can't lie to him. Why?! I don't know!!! This isn't supposed to happen. 

"This have something to do with Ishida Yamato?" 

"W-Wha?" I ask, startled beyond belief. 

Calm eyes, not at all like Shin stare back. "Ishida Yamato. You know, Harukawa Kyousuke's boyfriend. This have something to do with him?" 

"Why the hell would it have something to do with him?" 

"'Cause you keep staring at him," Shin shrugs, sitting back. "And you didn't deny it when I asked." 

Oh shit. 

"So, 'Savior of the world, Yagami Taichi,' what's going on with your friend?" 

Someone remembers that shit? 

"Other than the fact that he's going out with Kyousuke." 

"What's wrong with Kyousuke?" I shoot at him, praying that somehow this'll work out. 

His eyes darken, and he turns to me. "You don't know?" 

Oh SHIT. 

* * *

Geez... I've got the next chap.... but I like reviews... 25ish would be nice... *hint hint* *smile* I love doing this to people... Oh, and to answer questions, I have no idea whether or not Tai will actually do anything... but he will find out. And I don't know what the heck I'm doing with this OC, so sorry... That's about it, take care and review, minna-chan! Arigatou! 


	5. Chapter 5

Emptiness

By OmoideKeeper

* * *

Yamato's POV 

The game. I have to admit, I didn't want to come originally, but I think now it would take a thousand wild Digimon to tear me away. Either that, or Tai. But neither will come to stop me, so I'll sit here and enjoy the game, sitting here, next to Kyou. 

My Kyou, so sweet and gentle. I made him so happy by coming to the game. He says that afterwards he has a special surprise for me, to make up for earlier this afternoon. When I told him he didn't have to do such nice things for me, he told me he wanted to, he told me he wanted to show how much he cared for me, and this was the best way he could. 

I wish I could do something that would please him. I'm always messing up and making his life such a living hell. Nothing I do is good enough, that's what I think. He never tells me that, no, he's always so sweet to me, but I know. 

But... when I'm watching the game, Kyou could disappear and I wouldn't notice. Only one person on the field exists, only one face appears in my mind. Only one player on the field. Only one dream left in my world of endless night. 

But it's wrong! I shouldn't feel this way! I'm with Kyou! He's taken such good care of me, so why the goddamn fucking hell should I be thinking of Tai this way?! Especially when Tai's one of the oh-so-few things Kyou doesn't like. 

It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair! 

Don't ask me what, I haven't the faintest idea. 

I just... know it's not right. Not right for me to even think of Tai when Kyou hates him with such a passion. Not right for me to consider anything other than pleasing Kyou. After all, Kyou only thinks about pleasing me! Why shouldn't I give him the same courtesy? 

Because I can't. 

Damnit. 

_Never look_   
_ or pry_   
_ too deeply_   
_ inside_   
_ those hidden_   
_ and elusive_   
_ words_   
_ for_   
_ you may not_   
_ want_   
_ to truly_   
_ hear_   
_ those ever_   
_ disappearing_   
_ answers_   
_ to your_   
_ questions___

I don't even know Taichi anymore. I know nothing about the person he's grown up to be. All I know is what I've heard, and the memories of the boy I fought with. He's grown up so much since then... both physically and mentally. The attractive child grew up to be this amazingly gorgeous youth who's got most of the school in love with him. 

He's getting good grades, not slacking off anymore the way he was so prone to do when we were younger. He's the captain of the soccer team for the third year in a row, and they've won the championships the past two years, and look like they're going to continue their reign this year as well, if the game keeps going this way. The poster boy for school now. 

And the one person I can't go near. 

Kyou's not asking too much of me, I mean, Tai's only one person in this school, and it's not too much to ask of me, right? I mean... it's not like it's that hard... but... 

It's not fair. Why can't I just concentrate on Kyou? 

The bench digs into one of those bruises, and I wince slightly. Well, that's one way to return to reality. Not my favorite one, but at the same time... it's very effective. 

Where did Tai go?! 

He was on the field a moment ago, and now... now he's gone! Stay calm, stay calm, he's only one person, it's not that big of a deal, it's ok.... 

Who the hell am I kidding? 

Taichi, Taichi, where ARE you?! 

"Having fun, Yama-chan?" Kyou asks softly from beside me, his arm draped around my shoulders. I smile a little shakily back at him, wondering how much he knows about what I've been thinking, and how angry he'd be if he ever found out everything about it. 

"Yeah," I manage to reply, but my mind is focused on one thing. Where the hell is Taichi?! 

"Something bothering you?" Kyou asks in his tender way, eyes worried. 

I shake my head. I can't tell him what's going through my mind. I can't! 

He brushes a soft kiss across my temple, and then he goes off to talk to some of his other friends. 

I love him so much... so why did I feel like pulling away from him?! 

_Foolish to_   
_ believe_   
_ everything will_   
_ be all right_   
_ in the end_   
_ oh so very_   
_ foolish_   
_ for truly_   
_ nothing can_   
_ ever be_   
_ 'right'_   
_ ever_   
_ again___

I don't know what to do... I only think about Tai as I watch the rest of the game, wondering where he is, what he's doing, why he's not playing. I should be wondering why Kyou's not back yet, but... I can't think of Kyou right now... and I don't know why. Why is it that someone I haven't even spoken to since we were kids is the one invading my thoughts instead of my boyfriend? Why is it that Tai is the one I think of and not Kyou? 

Someone help me... 

This is so fucked up... 

* * *

Sorry this one's a little short, but I'm working on my other Digific, Trust, right now, although I'm getting tired of it... I'm working on the next chap. but it might be a while before it gets up because I'm going more into the character of Shin... *grin* I'm beginning to like this guy, so he might be appearing in my other Digifics as well... *smiles evilly* Oh, and as for the questions about Shin... he's just a nice, friendly soccer guy... who will be explained about in the next chapter. 


	6. Chapter 6

Emptiness

By OmoideKeeper

* * *

There are close enough to 35 reviews... I guess... *pout* But that's ok, I really need help if you guys want the next chapter... so please review, ok? Then I'll write, but this could go one of two ways... And your opinion matters. So please tell me!!! 

* * *

Tai's POV 

"Are you just gonna stare at me like I'm some sort of idiot, or are you actually gonna tell me what the fuck's going on, Shin?" I ask, more than a little tired of this. I NEED to know what's going on with Yama, but if Shin's just going to tease me with these things, then he can just fuck off. Now. Before I lose my temper. Before I say thing's I'll regret. Before I do something I'll regret. Before I completely lose it in front of him and destroy the fragile reputation I've managed to get during my stay at this LOVELY school here, of being so cool and happy. 

I disgust myself sometimes. 

"I'm just surprised you didn't know about everything yet, what with the way you've been trying to get closer to Yamato since you noticed he was here... And with the way he's been deliberately avoiding you all the time." 

So someone else noticed that shit Yama's been pulling for the past several days. Weeks. Months. Since he started going out with that goddamn bastard, Harukawa Kyousuke. Well, considering I still don't have a goddamn clue about why he's acting like that, maybe it would be nice if Shin would clue me in before I go slightly insane over this. 

I have no patience left. 

"Shin," I breathe his name, a soft warning. I still need to figure out whether or not Shin's trying to help me in this, or if he's on that bastard's side. I still need to figure out what the hell's going on, and he's not helping one bit. 

"Just out of curiousity, Tai, why are you so fixed on this guy you haven't even talked to since your nice little jaunt to that Digital World or whatever you call it? You know perfectly well you could do anything with your life you want, and you're focusing on someone who's close to getting kicked out of school, who's indifferent to the world and everyone in it, and who just happens to be going out with the most popular guy in school--after you that is." 

I'm popular? Wait a sec... "How do you know I haven't talked to him since the Digital World? And how do you know he's getting kicked out of school?" No... don't let Yama be leaving... I'll probably never find him again... Why should it matter? It's not like it'd matter to him if I got kicked out tomorrow! But... it does. So, so much. 

Not like it matters to him. 

Shin smiles one of those genki smiles, the ones that only add to my frustration right now because they won't come to my face any longer, I have to work hard to find them within me. "Easy, Taichi! I'm his half-brother!" 

Now that I'm going to have to think about for a while. Takeru is Yama's brother... but then... why didn't I ever hear about Shin? It doesn't make sense! Even if I might not be the smartest person in the world, I don't think even Koushirou would get it!! 

Then again, I'm not so sure I want to. 

"Oh, don't worry, he doesn't know about me, so he wasn't deliberately hiding anything from you, Taichi." Another genki smile, so unsettling with his eyes so different from his normal ones. "But I know all about him." Those blue, blue eyes stare back at me, darkening slightly as he whispers, "And I'm worried about my Niisan." 

"W-wait a sec!!!" I manage, shaking my head in disbelief. "How can you be Yama's half-brother?! It doesn't make any sense!" 

"Easy," Shin shrugs a little indifferently, making him remind me even more of Yama. "My father, Masaheru, wasn't faithful to his wife, Yamato and Takeru's mother, Natsuko. He went out when she was in labor in the hospital with Yamato, had sex with this whore who happened to look something like his wife, and then she had me in the usual fashion nine months later." Why didn't I notice those shadows in his eyes before? Those dark, dark shadows, pulling me down and drowning me inside of him, abruptly releasing me only to drag me down again. "My mother hated the sight of me, and deserted me when I was three. I grew up on the streets, dodging gangs and pimps, and got into this school purely by luck. I've been following what my brothers have been doing all these years, hoping I'd get to meet them sometime. And now I'm worried about Niisan." 

This is too much information... I need to sit down... wait, I AM sitting down... I need to do something... find Yama... do something... stop those shadows in Shin's eyes, the same way I need to piece together those shattered shards of Yama's eyes... find a way to kill Kyousuke without shattering Yama more... find a way to kill whoever put these shadows in Shin's eyes without adding more... stop this stupid protectiveness about blondes with beautiful eyes... 

I don't really want to delve too deeply into this. 

"Niisan's boyfriend's not a very nice person, Taichi." Those shadows... Where Yama's eyes are shattered sapphires, Shin's are a clouded azure sky... "I've met him before, but not here at school. Somewhere else, at a different time." 

"When? Where?" I have to ask, I don't know why. And I immediately regret asking when I see the pain and something else flash through Shin's eyes. Especially when I realize that something else is shame. Pure, undiluted shame. 

And a touch of it darts through me when I realizes I'm part of the cause. 

"Does it matter, Taichi?" A sweet, soft voice, aching with sadness and full of gentleness at the same time. "Let's just say Harukawa-san doesn't treat other people very well. Especially if he decides that they're going to be his. He's very good at keeping people like Niisan tied to him without a way to get out, especially if they need one." 

"Well, what the fuck do you want me to do about it?!" I shout at him. 

"Niisan will listen to you." That clouded sky's full of ice now, freezing me, holding me, dulling my anger and letting me feel the harsh throb of regret for my yelling. Damnit, I never think before I do anything, but I don't usually feel this sting either... 

"He won't even come NEAR me. He HATES me." I didn't even know I thought those things. And here I am, telling them to Shin. 

Great. Just GREAT. 

"You're a threat to Kyou's claim on him." Those eyes, so closed now, sealed away from me even as he stares inside... what did I do wrong this time? "But I can distract Kyousuke this evening, if you're willing to go find Yamato." 

I don't like the way he said distract. I really don't. 

"Where would he be?" I find myself compelled to ask. 

Shin shrugs, then seems to consider it for a moment. "Try looking around the lower district of town. I've seen him around there sometimes at night." And I want to know more about Shin. "I'll keep Kyousuke busy from six till around midnight, ok?" 

I don't really want to know the answer to the question but I feel compelled to ask, "What're you gonna do for six hours?" 

Ok, I didn't expect him to reply, but to see his eyes so devastated for a moment before that genki grin pops up again breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. He's so much like a sweeter version of Yamato, like a child almost. A fragile, delicate child. Not like Takeru, but not like Yamato either, but arousing that same protectiveness I feel towards the two brothers. I think it's their eyes. Their oh-so-beautiful deep blue eyes and their smiles. "Oh, don't worry about that, Taichi! Just take care of Yamato for me, ok? I'll keep Kyousuke away." 

... Did I mention I hate feeling helpless? I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL SHIN'S PLANNING. I'm the Captain of his team. He has to listen to me. Right? "What's going on, Shin?" 

"Nandemonai, Taichi-kun!" he replies with a smile, the shadows disappearing from his eyes with such speed I have to envy him. He's really good at that. 

But I also have to wonder what might have caused those shadows. What he's hiding from me. 

"So... six o'clock, I go looking for Yama?" I try, wanting Shin to tell me more. He's Yama's half brother. I want to find out as much about him as possible. After all... I guess... I sorta... kinda... like Yama... As a friend, of course... and... maybe... just maybe... something more than that... 

"Yup!" he grins, bouncing over to get water. "C'mon! Time to go back out there and show your face, oh great Captain!" 

"Shin!" I call after him, watching him disappear. When he doesn't stop, I silently add, "Thank you..." 

* * *

All right, Minna, I need your opinion... should I go into Shin's thoughts or not? Because I could, but then again... and I know where this story is going, so don't worry, I'll finish this one. *grin* Hope you like what I did with his chara... and if you didn't quite get what I was hinting at for Shin, that might be a good thing... and if you did, I'm sorry! Really! Ok, so not really, but... Can I say 45 reviews? Please? 45? Arigatou!!! 


	7. Chapter 7: Shin, Ai, Nozomi, Anshin

Emptiness

Shin, Ai, Nozomi, Anshin

By OmoideKeeper

* * *

All right, thanks for all the reviews, people! I'm working on Tai and Yama's meeting, but I want to make it special, so it'll take a little longer... so Shin gets to talk. Yup! That's right, Yama's half-brother gets his own chapter... about his past, and three of his best friends. By the way, Shin means truth, Ai means love, Nozomi means hope, and Anshin means peace. You'll see. 

Oh, and special thanks to my best friend, Tenmei, who gave me the idea on how to end this with a slightly happy twist and without abusing too many characters! 

* * *

Shin's POV 

Ha. I'm so stupid sometimes. Trying to help Taichi talk to Yamato. Talking to Taichi about Yamato. TELLING Tai about... well, almost telling him about all the shit I'm involved in. I guess I wasn't THAT stupid, right? 

I mean, I don't think he'll figure it out. 

"Shin-chan? Daijoubu?" a soft voice drifts forth as I walk down the filth-cluttered streets of the shitty, beautiful lower side of Odaiba. That voice, so gently concerned, so soft, yet full of edge all at once. An androgynous voice, bringing forth images of that just as androgynous beautiful face, softly sharp. Teasing almost pure black eyes, long dark hair drifting and caressing down to the hips. One of my gang. The only one who actually came from a good family. 

Anshin. 

"An, what're you doing this far uptown?" I shoot back, worried as we drift to an alleyway together. Our territory is further down, where people go for a different kind of pleasure than the drugs and stuff that're so easy to get when you know how to. My An, my beautifully dark, androgynous lover, Anshin. My second in command of our gang, and the one who keeps an eye out on everything going on when I'm too preoccupied with other stuff. "Where's the girls?" 

"They're still at home," he replies, brushing a light, teasing kiss over my lips. Strange how he calls our little alleyway home, but I suppose it is. It's where we go when we're lost, a place we can run to when we're hurt or scared, a place we always know will be open for us. An and I made sure no one would come there without a specific invite when we first met. "Nozomi's old enough to take care of Ai, and they'll be safe for an hour or so. I haven't been gone too long." 

I guess he's right, but I can't help the tinge of fear. Nozomi's three years younger than me, my sweetly gentle little sister who thinks she can mother everyone. Her pale skin teamed with carmel brown, gently wavy locks dancing around her face, setting off beautifully green eyes shining with innocence even after fourteen years of living on the streets. 

I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her. 

And Ai, everyone's baby, our darling. A mere nine years old with eyes as gold as the full moon in the summer and curls of spun starlight. Ai carries a mysterious wisdom in her innocence, so unlike Nozomi. If you ask her a question, you'll get an answer you'd expect from someone who's studied for years in philosophy, not some nine year old kid off the street living with a pair of whores and the girl they took in. 

"Are you ok, lover?" An asks again, holding me close, whispering soft words of comfort in French or German or whatever soft language that is. "I hate it that you're going to that school! Every time we see you now you're like this, lover, shaking and acting like someone destroyed you!" He rains soft kisses all over me, and I begin to finally relax in his sweet embrace, inhaling his distinctive scent. 

"I'm fine, An, but I've got a job tonight." I have to whisper the words so I won't startle him or make him angry. We promised each other we'd stop. Hell, we have enough money now, even though we ARE supporting Nozomi and Ai and sending them to school on the upper side. And if we need something, we can always steal it, An's long, delicate fingers just as good for picking the pockets of those rich snobs as seducing them. 

He stiffens slightly, but he doesn't question me. He rarely does, but this time I'm more than relieved he doesn't. 

I need to help Tai. 

"How long?" he asks, his normally smooth voice slightly rougher with something that could be related to the sudden wet chill I feel where his head leans on my shoulder, holding me closer and closer, as if he's afraid he'll lose me. "I'll keep the girls from asking where you are." 

"Six to twelve, lover," I whisper softly, begging him to understand. Of course, he won't, I know that, but... it's worth a try. 

He's silent for a moment, and I know he doesn't want me to go. I almost wish he'd tell me to stay, but at the same time we both know I'd leave anyway, no matter if he asked me to stay or not. "Will you be home before you go to school, or should we not expect to see you tomorrow either?" he murmurs his voice soft and smooth again, every syllable vibrating through my body. 

"I'll come by after school, lover, I promise." 

"The girls miss you. I'll tell them you'll stop by." 

"Lover..." 

He shakes his head, pulling away slowly, his eyes telling me gently that he's not angry. "I'll go see your other friend, that Izumi guy. He said he needed to talk last time I dropped by..." 

I nod slowly. An will forgive me for whatever happens tonight. Hell, I think An would forgive me for almost anything. He trusts me that much, he trusts that I have a good reason for what I do. He abandonded his loving, caring, rich family with three houses on the upside of town, two in the country and one on the beach, to spend a life down here in this hell hole with me because he wanted to. He sold his body and any chance at heaven to stay by my side. 

And at the same time, there's so much I want to give him and can't. 

He brushes another light kiss against my cheek and then seems to disappear, moving so fast I barely see him as he leaves the alley. 

And now time to brood over Kyousuke. 

I have to shudder at him. Remembering him coming to me in that club An and I used to work at, so insistent... how after I'd done the job, he wouldn't let me go... 

An rescued me from him after two days. But that's what finally made him say we had to quit. 

He'll kill someone if he finds out Kyousuke's the job tonight. My gently sharp blade of a lover, so protective, even though I'm supposed to be the one who takes care of everyone. I may lead our gang, but without An we'd be nothing. Without his sharp love, I would never have escaped being just another whore off the street. Without his gentle strictness, Nozomi never would've been allowed to keep her naïvity, her soft laugh would've been tainted with that harsh seductiveness. And without his caring, Ai would never have come to us in the first place. 

We can't lose him. So he can't find out. 

It's as simple as that. 

Damn. 

I hate my life sometimes. I mean, at school I'll smile and all that shit, but... I only do it to be like Tai. Everyone knows Tai. Everyone LIKES Tai. Ok, maybe not everyone, but... the vast majority. So, if I'm gonna fit in on the upper side, I should just act like the person most people like. Well... the first person who they like is Kyousuke. So, I chose the second person. Tai. 

On top of which, he was close to Nii-san at some point, so... it'll all work out. 

I hope. 

* * *

Am I evil? Please tell me... can I ask for 55 reviews at least? I'm working REALLY hard on the next part, I promise! 


	8. Chapter 8

Emptiness

* * *

Ok, before we can get onto the story, I have to make a few announcements. I was seriously considering discontinuing the story, due to some of the less than enthusiastic reviews of the last chapter, which had little to do with the characters, I admit, but happened to be my favorite so far. *shrug* This part will be written in third person so we can get both thoughts in there without the extra stuff I usually add in to make it appear longer. And I'm stalling again. We're a step closer to getting them there, though... 

The other good thing about writing in third person is we get to see a bit more into the evil Kyou's personality. 

And I feel that I must make some response to Amanda's statement. Yes, my descriptions are flowery, but I don't think you have the right to criticize my work when you don't even put up any of yours. I happen to enjoy reading flowery descriptions, so that is what I write. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but that is the way I write, and I don't think I really want to change that. Thank you for saying I have potential, but I don't think you quite understand the way I work. 

And I'm sorry I've been blackmailing for reviews, people, but I've had stories before where no one posted reviews at all, and I wanted to see if people would actually review if I asked for them in a less than polite manner. Thanks again. ~Omoide 

* * *

Running a hand through his hair, Taichi wondered if he should just leave. True, he was an hour and a half early by his own choice, but he really didn't like this area, for some reason. It gave him a feeling of always being watched, and his heart reached out to each and every person he saw. He didn't want to have to be there, but if this was where Yamato was... 

Then where was he? 

"Hey, Taichi," a soft voice from an alleyway called out, and Taichi whirled, more than a little frustrated and angry with himself. The keeper of Courage didn't get frightened of being on the lower side of town. He didn't. Not after staring down angry monsters about to kill him. 

Ok, so that had scared him too, but that wasn't the point. 

He knew it was cliché, and a bad one at that, but he decided to ask anyway, no matter how stupid he'd sound in doing so. "Who's there?!" 

"I just want to know something, Tai," the smooth voice continued, a cough breaking the thin but beautiful sound. "Come here for a second. I won't do anything to you." A bitter laugh cut through the air, stabbing at Tai's heart in the process, although he ignored it. "Not that I could, anyway." 

_Yeah right_, Taichi thought to himself, but he obeyed. After all, what was the worst it could be? 

Well, whatever, whoever it was, they were a frickin' coward. There was no one in the alley. 

"Long time no see, Tai." 

Whirling around, Tai growled softly, trying to sound as menacing as he could, and failing utterly. "Where the _fuck_ are you, coward?!" he asked, not exactly in the mood to be polite. Whoever this person was happened to be taunting him and keeping him from meeting with Yama. Two very good reasons to pound them into the dirt and leave them there. 

"Right here," the voice replied, forcing Tai to whirl around again with another growl that died on his lips. 

When he'd last seen his friend, Izumi Koushirou, the boy had been smiling and laughing as he went off to college four years early. The boy who stood before Tai now had so little left of the memory, Tai almost had to shudder. It had been less than two years! 

Bruises marred the once perfectly crafted pale flesh, eyes once shining with hope and brilliance now dulled with the anger and roughness of the streets. His clothes could only possibly be called rags if one were being more than generous about the matter. But that wasn't what scared Tai the most. 

A harshness had come over his gentle genius. That innocent smile he'd once seen on Koushirou's face had faded, replaced by the hopelessness of a man about to disappear into the waters of the ocean as he watches his friend leave him to drown. He leaned against a trash can for support, breathing heavily, half his face in shadows, half in the meager light. 

"K-Kou-chan?" Tai asked, moving forward quickly. 

Virulent laughter burst from Koushirou's torn lips at that, stopped only by a coughing spell. "No one's called me that in _ages_, Tai." 

"What the hell happened to you?!" Tai had to ask, reaching out to support his friend, eyes filling with the pain of shock and anger that someone had done this to his Kou-chan. 

"College, you idiot." There was no bitterness or mocking in the answer though, and for a moment the boy he'd been could be seen through Koushirou's eyes. Then it was gone, and nothing remained. 

* * *

"Yamato, come meet to Shin," Kyou ordered, motioning his boyfriend over to his side. Yamato obeyed with slight hesitation, but nothing that couldn't be remedied. His control over Yamato was still absolute, and nothing, no one would change that. 

Not many people saw how much Yamato and Shin looked alike. That was what had drawn Kyou to Yamato in the first place though, the softly seductive innocence in his eyes. On top of the fact, he'd always been a sucker for blondes. 

When he'd discovered they were related, it had been even better. Waiting for a chance to play his trump card, he allowed Shin to stay at school undiscovered. 

But here, tonight, at this party given in honor of the soccer team's victory, where the captain was most conspicuously missing, this would be a perfect time to shatter Shin, to punish him for leaving. And it would tie Yamato to Kyou even more. 

A double bonus. 

Shin didn't have his dark eyed lover to protect him. No, he dared to come to the upper side alone, and that would be his downfall. 

How beautiful the night could be... 

"Yes, Kyou?" Yamato's soft, almost hesitant voice asked. Once his voice had been the strongest, indifferent to everyone and everything. Once his voice had been the one questioning all authority. 

And now he belonged to Kyou. 

There were a score like Yamato waiting for him on the lower side, fearing his wrath, but something about Yamato made him even more possessive. Was it the way he'd crumbled so easily? The way he seemed to think he deserved the pain? No... there was something else. Something almost-- 

Kyou didn't want to think about that. 

Shin's eyes widened with a tinge of fear as Yamato arrived, but it was already too late. Standing side by side, everyone could see the resemblance between the two. 

And now, as everyone commented on it, it was time for the final blow. 

"Hey, Shin, you know, you remind me of someone," Kyou smiled thoughtfully as Shin's azure eyes begged him not to do this. "I know!" 

"Who does he look like?" another of the soccer players asked--Shida-san, wasn't it?--curiousity blossoming in his silver eyes. Other shouts of encouragement fueled Kyou's determination. 

"No, never min--" 

"Tell us, Kyou!" Shida-san pushed, laughing. 

"Well... he sorta reminds me of this kid I saw down on the lower side..." 

Silence filled the room. 

* * *

"Something's wrong with Shin-niisan." 

Anshin looked up from where he was sulking, obsidian eyes instantly alert. "What's that, Ai-chan?" 

Ai's golden eyes slightly glazed over as she spoke again, starlight curls making her seem all the more ethereal in the fading sunset rays. "His mind screamed." Her gentle, childlike voice fit her appearance so well, but the intonations in her voice hinted at something more than just another child off the streets. 

"What's wrong with Shin-chan?" An asked, moving closer, but not daring to touch her yet. It always happened like this, as sunset disappeared into twilight, the magic hour of long past. Visions would come to the child, for children are always the ones with the most power, and they'd learned to trust them. 

"He's been found out. Kyousuke-kun's telling everyone about him." 

KYOUSUKE?! The single name that could send fire raging through An's blood, could cloud his vision with the hazy red that could only be assuaged by fiery death. An remembered all too well the night Shin didn't come home, how he'd had to search all the lower side to find his lover, beaten and broken, trapped in a room. He remembered it still. And he would never forget. 

"Kyousuke goes to Shin's school?" he managed to grind out, his mind helpfully pointing out all the ways a certain person could die. 

"Hai." 

_Damn him!_ An thought to himself, mind racing. _Damn him a thousand times again and again!_

Now if only he could figure out who he was talking about. 

* * *

It took only a few years to become cold and bitter enough to withstand most of what the streets could throw at him. 

It took only a single boy--no, young man--to destroy that cold. 

"K-Kou-chan?" Tai asked, moving forward as if to stop a dream from vanishing between his fingers. 

Torn lips parted in virulent laughter at those words, the bitter stream stopped only by a heart-breaking cough. "No one's called me that in _ages_, Tai," Koushirou whispered, trying to distract Tai from the tears forming in his eyes at the tender nickname. 

"What the hell happened to you?!" Tai asked, eyes filling with a rage Koushirou knew could come at a moment's notice for no reason other than one of the people he cared for was hurt. 

"College, you idiot." Koushirou couldn't put the bitterness he felt into those words, not with Tai's chocolate eyes staring straight at him, boring into his soul. He never thought he'd see Tai again. After all, it was only through An and Shin that he saw anyone anymore. 

Tai's eyes narrowed slightly as he helped Koushirou stand. "I'm the stupid one, remember, Kou-chan? You'll have to be a bit more specific." 

"You're not stupid, Tai," Koushirou replied with vehemence. "I just don't want you to do anything rash." 

"Like go pound the fucking shit out of someone?" Tai asked softly, voice gentle even as his words were harsh. 

"Would you really do that, Tai?" Koushirou whispered, his voice suddenly so vulnerable and very full of pain. "I'm just a stupid--" 

"You're not stupid!" 

"Yes I am." 

"You're the smartest person I know!" Tai tried to protest. 

Koushirou bit back his next retort at Tai's pleading, innocent look. "If you say so, Tai." 

"Kou-chan, what's wrong?" Tai pushed, trying to figure out what was going on with his friend. 

"I just thought I should warn you. Shin said you were meeting Yama--" 

"You know Shin?!" Tai burst out, eyes ablaze with his curiousity. "He's down here? Tell me!" 

Koushirou's eyes turned cold. "Tai." 

"Please, Kou-chan?" Tai pleaded, chocolate eyes melting Koushirou's resistance with their sweetness. 

"Shin lives down on this side with three other kids. Anshin, Nozomi, and Ai. Anshin's from the upper side originally, but he came down here. Nozomi and Ai were picked up by those two, and they're protected. Shin's their scout, and he went up to the upper side to find out information about Yamato for two reasons. One, because I asked him to, and two--" 

"Because they're half brothers," Tai finished. "But how does he know Kyousuke?" 

Koushirou pulled away from Tai abruptly at that. "I have to go." 

"K-Kou-chan?" 

"You don't have to go, Izu-chan," a gentle, sharply seductive voice whispered from the shadows. "Kyousuke's busy. He won't come looking for you." 

"An, you said you'd leave once he showed up," Koushirou replied softly. 

"I was worried." 

"And that explains everything." 

"No it doesn't! What's going on?" Tai asked, trying to find that sweetly caressing sound in the shadows of the alley. 

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with. Yamato's heading down this side. You'd best get going." 

* * *

Shin ran. His mind ran far and away from the party, screaming and crying as everyone burst out with questions all at once. He couldn't do this alone. Where was An? Probably taking care of the girls like he promised. 

"Ne, Shin-chan? Are you really from the lower side?" Kyou asked, prodding the boy with his elbow. 

"Leave him alone, Kyou," Yamato pleaded from beside the taller youth. "I'm sure it's just a coincidence." 

Kyou's eyes flashed at that, and Shin could follow his train of thought. How dare Yamato stand up for that nothing, that bastard Shin? 

_Don't,_ Shin inwardly begged Yamato. _Don't put yourself in danger, Nii-san._

"You're right. It's probably nothing," Kyou agreed with a smile, only Shin and Yamato catching the slight glint in his eyes. "Shin, chotto hanashite mo ii?" 

Shin nodded slowly, and together they excused themselves from the party and began to walk. 

They'd gone a good ways before Kyou spoke up. "So, you decided to come back to me after all, bitch?" 

Shin winced. "I'm not anyone's bitch, Kyousuke." 

"Oh, really." It wasn't a question, and it wasn't a statement. 

"What do you want?" Shin burst out finally. 

"Don't you already know? I want what's mine," Kyou whispered fiercely, gripping Shin's chin in his right hand as he drew him in for a deadly kiss. 

The taste of sweetly poisonous thorns slipping into him; the feel of the deadly soft lust within Kyou... it was almost enough to make him forget everything that had happened. 

Bruising force, a flick of the wrist, hands captured behind Shin's back as the world slowly faded to Kyousuke. 

This was the job, after all, and damned if he was gonna screw it up now. 

* * *

Yamato waited for another twenty minutes. Kyou hadn't returned, and neither had Shin, although no one noticed the disappearance. 

It wasn't that Yama was worried, no that was an emotion he didn't have, it was just that he wasn't sure he should stay without Kyou. 

And the fact that he wanted to go looking for the missing Captain. 

Stepping outside for a breath of fresh air, he made his decision. It was time to take a walk... 

* * *

  
And now we wait for Omoide to finish more. 


	9. Chapter 9

emptiness

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all i have to say is, i hate biology. and i'm sorry this took so long. and that i'm putting in jyoushirou because i like it.   


* * *

Tai planted his feet. "I want to know what the fuck's going on." He didn't know whose voice that was, and he didn't know why Koushirou relaxed ever so slightly at the sound, but he DID know that Kyousuke had obviously done SOMETHING to his Kou-chan. And he didn't think he'd like what was going on once he found out. But it was better than the not knowing. 

A sweet sigh, followed by gently exasperated laughter filled the alley, tantalizing the senses. "You were right, Izu-chan. He really is a stubborn one, your Yagami Taichi." 

Tai bit back a yell at the figure. It wouldn't solve anything to get angry now, except to lessen his own temper and probably provoke the person in the shadows. Which he might want to do, but was probably not the best idea. He hated probably's. They made it so much more difficult to operate. 

"Yagami-kun," the sultry voice addressed him suddenly. 

"Yes?" Tai ground out from between clenched teeth. There was nothing he could do but play at this guy's game, and he unfortunately knew it. There was no way he'd win against whoever it was. 

"You have a choice." Flowing forth from the shadows, the darkest winter's midnight met Tai's own melting chocolate, stunning Tai for a moment. 

Dressed in tight black leather pants, seeming to be cut specifically for him, wearing something that could never be considered a shirt, the youth could have been mistaken for a fallen Angel of vengeance whose wings were purely astral. Long, coal-dark hair brushed at his hips, caressing his slender frame with every step he took towards Tai. 

"You either go see Ishida-kun now," the youth stressed the last word, "and hear our story later, or you hear the story now and risk having a chance to talk to him alone again." Eyes sharpened, became as hard as a cliff's face and as predatory as a tiger. "Because I'm sure as hell not letting my Shin-chan see Kyousuke again." 

The world began to spin around Tai. There was a connection here, if only he could grasp it. But at the same time, this guy was right. He could always come back and find them, if he so chose, but to put Shin in danger again... No, Tai wasn't ready to spurn Shin's sacrifice when it cost him so much. 

"Kou-chan," he began, his voice full of apologies. While he desperately yearned to see Yamato, there was still that twinge of guilt for leaving his friend with this strangely beautiful youth-- 

"I'll be fine, Tai. An won't let anything happen to me," Koushirou's response came back, his smile forced. He gave Tai a swift hug only accenting the frailty in his frame, and walked to the youth who caught him and held him so gently. 

"Go, Yagami-kun. If you want to find us again, go to the third floor of "Yume no Naka". They'll direct you to us IF they trust you, and IF you haven't done anything to Ishida-kun." 

Taichi turned and started running, knowing if he stopped or looked back, he'd never have the courage to go after Yama, no matter how much he wanted to see him. Something about that warning made him more than a little nervous about leaving Koushirou with that guy, but what else could he really do? He was so helpless again, as before, as always... 

Passing stores and people, he tried to block out the cries of children begging for money, tried to concentrate on finding Yama-- 

Until a hand stopped him. 

* * *

Kyousuke felt himself fill with pleasure as Shin gave into his kiss. THIS was what it was all about, THIS was power, THIS was submission. Yamato had a certain kind of sweetness, but this taste of unwilling darkness tinged light was what Kyou loved so much. Even his latest toy didn't have this feeling about him, and Kyou couldn't figure out why. 

Maybe it was the fact that only Shin had always been a part of the lower side. Maybe that was this sweet taste of corruption and unknowing seduction. Maybe that was this darkness Shin despised about himself so much. 

Whatever it was, Kyousuke loved it. 

Breaking the kiss, the two of them walked for a while longer in silence; Kyou's physical grip on Shin was nothing compared to the mental chains he slipped over Shin again. 

"So, bitch, are you trying to protect Yamato from me?" Kyou asked conversationally as they passed the unseen but recognized 'border' between the upper and lower sides of town. 

A flash of moonlight struck Shin's face just right, and Kyou could see the determination set in his pale face. "No, Kyou," Shin replied softly. "I can't protect him from you." 

So then, what was this Shin was waiting for? 

Kyou knew Shin much better than either the blonde beside him or his dark-eyed guardian thought. There was no reason for Shin to have returned except if he was trying to do something. So, therefore, there must be someone Shin was trying to help. And the obvious target was Yamato, considering how foolish Shin could be about relations. Hell, he'd stood up for his whore of a mother, never mind that she'd left him to die on the streets. 

The answer came to him suddenly. That bastard, Taichi. 

Kyou almost laughed at that. So, Shin thought he could get Yamato away using the bond of that failed friendship? What a thought! Besides which, even if Yamato escaped him this once, there was always going to be another chance. Yamato was tied to Kyou in more ways than one at this point. Kyou had made certain of that. 

Finally reaching Kyou's newest apartment on the lower side, he ushered Shin in _almost_ gently. "Your lover won't be able to find you," he whispered softly to his captive as he locked the door, keying the combination only he knew. He noted the sudden fear in Shin's eyes as realization dawned. 

This was Kyou's new 'play' house. Sound-proof walls and technology prevented any method of escape Shin could possibly think of, and there was no way in for even a master thief unless they were with Kyou. If that pretty boy wanted to come and kill Kyou, Shin would be trapped in here forever. 

And now he knew it. 

Kyou began to weave his deadly web of pain and terror, feeling Shin's obvious fear fill him with even more pleasure. 

* * *

An held Koushirou close for a moment before he started to feel the sobs racking the body of the boy he'd come to call friend. "Shh..." he soothed gently. "I know, Izu-chan," he whispered, trying to ease the soul-pain in the other youth. "I know. He'll come back." 

Pain filled eyes met An's for a moment, followed by the soft question An had known was coming. "Did you ask Ai-chan?" 

An wished by all the gods he'd ever heard of that he hadn't asked their little darling about what his Izu-chan wanted to know. He wished Koushirou wouldn't look at him like that, trapping him. He wished the answer was the one Koushirou DIDN'T know was coming. 

But wishes came to nothing. 

Nodding slowly, he held Koushirou tighter. "I asked her, Izu-chan." 

Koushirou was silent for a moment or two, and then sighed, heart-brokenly sad, clutching An closer and close, as if fearful of the world. "I was right, wasn't I, An? I'm going to--" 

"It's not sure, Izu-chan," An cut in, not wanting to hear Koushirou speak the words that would seal the fragile youth's fate. "You know Ai-chan's been wrong about things before." 

"But not when asked directly," Koushirou replied softly, accepting the truth. 

What could An say to that? There was no doubting that Koushirou really _was_ dying, his body abused by both the streets and Kyousuke, his mind and soul broken by the harshness and cruelties of life as well as by his own doubts. There was nothing--no one--who An wanted to see get out of this hell hole more. Shin, Ai, Nozomi... they would all survive. 

But Koushirou, his Izu-chan... 

When it came down to it, Koushirou didn't have the type of personality that would allow him to survive on the streets. He wasn't strong enough, he belonged inside, in a building doing good for the world. NOT here, where everyday he had to fight against himself. 

"There's still a chance, Izu-chan," An whispered softly, choosing his words with the care of an artist choosing the paints with which to color his or her masterpiece. He'd thought this over several times, and--while he hadn't spoken with anyone else about it--was fairly certain he could pull it off. 

"What chance, An?" the bitter, hopeless reply came. "LOOK at me!" 

An didn't need to look. He knew what he'd see if he glanced at his friend again. But something inside of him made him reevaluate the sitation. "Upside, they've got a new doctor, Izu-chan. Some people say he works miracles--for a price of course. If we could get him to take a look at you--" 

"And where would I get money like that, An?" The sorrow in Koushirou's voice was almost too much to bear. "I won't take yours--" 

"I'm not asking you to. I'm telling you I can get you the money--not my own if you don't want it, but I can get it for you!" An closed his eyes in frustration, trying not to remember others who'd died because they doubted him. "Please, Izu-chan," he begged softly. 

Koushirou must have seen the pleading on his face, heard it in his voice. "Maybe, An," he conceded. "Right now... I just don't know. Can you just... Maybe?" Koushirou replied helplessly. 

"I can try." 

* * *

The world swirled around Koushirou again, and he clutched An closer. It wasn't that he wanted to disregard what An was saying--in fact, it was closer to the opposite. It was the fear that there was something so wrong with him that even a miracle-worker couldn't do anything. Fear that An would end up facing down heaven and hell for him. 

And the worst part was, An would. 

Ridicule and ruin by his classmates in college had landed him back here in Odaiba, on the streets. Chance and sheer stupidity had gotten him as Kyou's 'property'. Luck and whoever loved him had given him Shin and An to see him through this hell. They, in turn, had given him Ai and Nozomi, who were closer to Koushirou than sisters. 

Koushirou already owed so much to An, he wasn't sure if he could accept any more help. 

But he would, if he had to. If that was his only hope. 

Of course, that didn't guarantee anything. An was a hopeless optimist, no matter how cynical the streets had made him during the years he'd been here, no matter how many times he tried to deny it. Most likely, he had heard of this miracle-maker and hadn't bothered to check out his or her credentials. There was probably very little hope. 

He didn't CARE! He wanted to LIVE, damnit! He wasn't even sure what was wrong with him, and he'd been putting Shin and An off about seeing a doctor because he wasn't sure he could deal with it if he knew he wasn't going to get any better, that he was going to die without seeing Tai or Yamato or any of the other Digidestined, or anyone who had ever cared for him in his life ever again. That he would never see Jyou again. 

Damnit. 

Jyou, Jyou, Jyou... NO. Koushirou had been--was still--Kyousuke's little 'pet'. He'd stay his 'pet' until he found the courage to get away, or until An finally snapped and went against what both Koushirou and Shin kept telling him, what Ai kept warning him NOT to do. Why the hell would Jyou ever want to see him again? 

The peaceful silence was broken by An's clearing his throat. "Um... Izu-chan?" the soft voice asked, normal smooth, sultry tone broken by something sounding suspiciously like nervousness. 

If there was one thing about An that Koushirou knew, it was that he didn't get nervous. 

"Yes, An?" he asked, more than a little suspicious. The LAST time An had been nervous, it had been that time he'd gotten drunk without Shin's knowledge and Koushirou had been supposed to cover for him and decided to side with Shin instead, TELLING An this... 

"I... you might want to know what you're getting into..." he fumbled with the words, one of the traits An DIDN'T exhibit. As graceful with words as any poet, he usually found the best way to explain something. 

"An." 

"I sort of..." An took a deep breath, steadying himself. "According to the few sources I have on the upper side, Izu-chan, this 'miracle-worker' is someone you know rather well." 

He didn't need to say anything else. 

* * *

Shin fought tears as he gave in. This time there would be no escaping Kyou. He'd miscalculated, and now he was paying over and over again. By now, it was well after sunset. An probably knew, and would look for him as soon as he could, but... there was nothing An could do for him now. He was lost, he couldn't make it through this, he'd die... 

Yes, he'd die. 

That was it. The only way he knew to get out of this without endangering the others. Oh, if there was an afterlife, An would probably come after him as soon as he got there--through natural or accidental causes, An wasn't stupid enough to suicide when there were two young lives depending on him--and scream and yell at him. But... although Shin was sorry he had to do this, it was the only exit he could see. 

He wouldn't become Kyou's again. The pain, the fear, the intense AGONY of soul and body mixed into one through the harshness of Kyou's actions and the words that twisted a knife cleaner and deeper than any blade of metal could... he couldn't survive that again. And he'd rather die at his own hand, while he still had the will, than die at Kyou's convenience. 

An was unstable mentally, at times, yes. But he knew Ai and Nozomi, and hell, even Koushirou, wouldn't survive the streets without him. Not without losing who they were, WHAT they were. 

THAT would keep him alive. 

Or so Shin hoped. 

* * *

Yamato had been walking for a while now. He wasn't sure how far from the party he'd gotten, but he knew he was on the lower side. There were too many cries for him to be on the upper side. 

Then again, there were probably just as many. It was only that on the upper side, no one could hear those cries. 

He'd been planning on finding his usual drug dealer and losing himself in the painless joy of the high, but something stopped him before he got to the corner where Ariata sold. 

A youth about the same age as Yamato shooting out of an alleyway. Well, it wasn't just any alleyway, it was the one where Yamato had first come face to face with a gang, when Kyou had first saved him. And it wasn't just any youth, it was one Yama knew very well, one he'd been dreaming of for too long, one he tried to, and should have, forgotten. 

In a dream, he reached out and touched Tai's arm. 

Frightened, frustrated, BEAUTIFUL pools the color of the heartwood of an oak met his for a moment before they filled with recognition, losing all traces of frustration, and fear. "Yama?" 

Too late, Yamato realized he wasn't in a dream. Stumbling over his words, wondering how he was supposed to talk to the boy of his dreams when he was technically going out with one of the most powerful guys at school, and Tai was STRAIGHT, as far as anyone knew, and they HADN'T talked in years... "Yagami." 

The HURT in Tai's eyes at that. Intense anguish, covered quickly with the happiness Yama was used to. But this time, Yama saw through the veil Tai had called up so easily, so quickly, saw through to the tears he couldn't shed because this was who he was SUPPOSED to be. 

"What are you doing here?" Tai tried to smile. 

"Walking." So easy to slip back into the coldness, the ice that could coat him. To hide the panic. He wasn't SUPPOSED to be talking to Tai, Kyou would get angry, Kyou would get SO angry... 

Did Yama still care? 

"You?" he heard himself ask, amazed he could sound so calm when there were two halves of him fighting with each other. 

"Looking for you," the answer came back, honest and wavering, Tai's control obviously slipping. 

"Me?" 

A nod from Tai, all normal genkiness gone. 

Yama knew he couldn't keep this up for long. Tai was STRAIGHT he told himself. And Yama couldn't afford friendships. Stupid crest anyway. Friendships only ended up with both sides getting hurt. 

"Yama?" Soft voice, caressing his name, even as it wavered. 

"Yeah?" 

"Why are you going out with Kyou?" 

Yamato closed his eyes for a moment, then began walking, knowing without opening his eyes, that Tai was following. 

So, this is what it came to. 

He opened his lips to answer... 

* * *

All right! Next time will probably be the last ep... Just letting you know in advance! Of course, that doesn't mean there won't be an epilogue or two! Please read A New Gundam Wing Fanfic, if you like Gundam Wing! Just a hint, you MAY see some characters you MIGHT recognize... *grin* 


	10. Chapter 10

Emptiness Well, readers, I'm so sorry this took over a month to create and post. School's hell, in case you haven't noticed, and now on break, I've had so little time to do anything! For the past week I've been going to bed past midnight and it's vacation! Well, enough of my whining, here we go. I should need just one or two more chapters to tie this thing together, so please bear with me for just a little longer. I swear I'll try to finish it by my B-Day, March 2! Tai took a deep breath. He knew how much he was risking by asking Yama. Hell, it was hard enough waiting for this long. This would either make or break anything between them, and Tai wasn't quite ready to let it go yet. He wanted to take the question back, now that it had been spoken. He wanted to say that he didn't need an answer, but he didn't want to lie to Yama either. And so it came to this. This waiting, a circle of time that wouldn't end until an answer shot it down. A frustrating ocean that couldn't be crossed alone. "How can I make you understand?" the soft whisper shook Tai out of his thoughts, dragging him back to the stunning youth beside him. "Understand what?" Yama shook his head slowly, not looking at Tai, eyes concentrating on some far off landmark. "Understand why I stay with him." Tai mentally screamed, Tell me! Just MAKE me understand, damnit! Tell me why you're putting yourself through all this, why such a strong, beautiful person like you is staying with such a bastard! Tell me why the person I. love?. is doing this. Yama was several steps ahead of him by the time Tai looked up again, and he chased after him with full speed, wanting, needing an answer. Grabbing his arm and forcing Yamato to meet his eyes, he growled, "MAKE me understand, Yamato." "Why do you want to know?" Cold eyes, so cold, so full of that old challenge they'd held when Tai and Yama had fought that time in the Digital World. Icy hostility, dark anger shaping the gaze, the defensive glare Yamato seemed to hold as his own. "What difference is it going to make if I tell you why I stay with him, Taichi? Why are you even bothering to ask?" There were so many answers Tai could think of. And he couldn't put voice to a single one. Because I care! Because I worry! "Because I love you! Because I don't want to see such a strong, wonderful person put themselves through this shit that they don't--" Too late, Tai realized he was speaking aloud. The two girls linked hands as they crept out of their apartment. "Both of them are going to skin us alive for doing this, I hope you know that," the taller of the pair whispered to her tiny partner in crime. When no response greeted her, she sighed. She should have known better than to expect any encouragement from the child beside her. This had all been her idea. "Where are we going again, Ai-chan?" she whispered to the tiny girl. "To where Shin-niisan is." That voice, so hauntingly beautiful, so filled with a mixture of sweet, childlike innocence, but touched with ancient knowledge no one could ever fully possess. A voice of an Angel who brought babes to Heaven's gates, the voice of a Demon who lured others to their doom. "Where is he?" "Do you have to ask so many questions, Nozomi-neesan?" Ai smiled, her honey- golden eyes sparkling in the streetlights as they walked. "Trust me." Trust. such an easy word to say, such an easy vow to break. But knowing Ai, that was the only response Nozomi was going to get out of her. "If you say so, Ai-chan," she sighed, wishing once again that An had stayed home to keep an eye on the little girl. Then again, Ai never listened to An either. Curls of shining silver framed Ai's cherubic face, golden eyes creating a taunting mystery of who she truly was. Surely not just the misbegotten child of some whore the way they thought. But she had been wandering alone on the streets--well, not wandering, but looking for them. Knowing they would keep her safe, a toddler had found her way to Nozomi, An, and Shin, grasping An's hand so tightly, they wondered if she'd ever let go again. "Are you sure you know where we're going?" Nozomi asked. "Yes." Someday, Nozomi vowed she'd find a way to surprise that little girl. An fought tears as he ran towards the upper side. This was no time for that. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't. He wanted to do something, ANYTHING. but there was nothing he COULD do. Shin would have to take care of himself for now. An had other responsibilities, starting with taking care of the girls and Koushirou. Since the girls could take care of themselves, he was crossing the borders to do something he'd sworn he'd never do again. Beg his parents. He tried to stave away the memories of his lonely existence in the giant mansions they'd owned. Tutored by prestigious scholars from around the globe, he'd grown up isolated from the world. His parents were hardly around, and when they were, all they did was criticize his progress and yell at one another, and at him. He couldn't think of those times now. They couldn't touch him, he was strong enough to walk away. But they were his only hope for saving Koushirou. That miracle maker. he was out of the country, saving some prince or king or president of a far off country, gaining more fame and glory. But he was needed here now. And the only way he'd come back is if he had a ticket waiting for him--which was what An had to provide. Even then. it was questionable whether or not Koushirou would accept the help. But what else could he do? He knocked softly on the immense door before him, praying that his parents were in for some strange reason. "Yes?" a servant's voice drifted out, soft and unsure. An remembered her, one of the kind women who'd looked out for him, the ones who had made his existence bearable enough to stay alive--and the one who had helped him escape. She had been brought to work for them when An was nine, and ever since, they had been close because of the bond they shared. She was also alone, a foreigner by the name of Elizabeth, with carmel-brown locks and eyes as violet as the sunset sky. "Lizzie?" he whispered, slipping into the childish nickname he'd given her so easily. He heard a sharp gasp from the inside, and the door was thrown open so quickly. Arms enveloped him before either could think, and he could only hold onto her and fight more tears. "Oh, Anshin." she murmured, holding him close before suddenly letting him go and blushing furiously. Even though she was nearly thirty now, she still held the charm and personality of a young girl. "What are you doing back here? I thought you were gone for good," she smiled, not able to control her happiness at seeing him once again. "I need to ask my parents for a favor." Her face immediately darkened and became worried. "Anshin. are you sure? They aren't happy that you ran off, you know." "I know," he whispered, praying this was the right thing. "But a friend of mine's in big trouble, and they're the only people I can think of that could help." "Money then?" she asked, her voice sweet as honey on his ears, the friendly voice from his past come to life again. "Yeah." "How much?" Koushirou stared at the empty room before him and shook his head. An was going to kill someone. Ai and Nozomi weren't in their beds where they should be--in fact, they weren't in the entire building. Koushirou should know, this was the last place he'd checked--and they weren't there. But that left only one explanation. They'd left because of something that was happening to either An or Shin. Since An was safe--as far as Koushirou knew--it had to be because of Shin. Which meant it was because of Kyou--and indirectly because of Taichi. Koushirou groaned. Could things get any worse? Ai was a smart, beautiful child, but she was still that--a child. He suspected sometimes she forgot that, and that would be her downfall if she had one. Her body was a tiny, vulnerable child, even though her mind could duel with the greatest scholars Koushirou had ever studied. And Nozomi. she was stronger than Ai, and would try to protect her, but she was far too naïve for her own good. She would end up brought down by her belief that everyone had good inside them. Well, he couldn't really complain. It had been that good spirit that had led them to find Koushirou. Even so. it wasn't a safe thing to have when living on the streets. She would've ended up consumed by the anger and resentment darkening all who lived here--except that she had been found by two people who genuinely cared about her wellbeing. Had she been less lucky. Koushirou didn't even want to consider the dangers a young, trusting girl on her own on the streets could face. And yet, she wasn't here, and he was supposed to be watching them now. Koushirou sighed. There was nothing he could do now, anyway. All that was really left for him was the fact that there was still a chance he could live-- If he trusted An enough. If he trusted himself enough. But to go up to the upper side. to see this 'miracle-worker'. to see Jyou, the miracle-worker. No, Koushirou wasn't sure he could face that. But didn't he have to? Shin struggled to run, to find something to kill himself with, eyes filling with tears and fear. Kyou's laughter followed him, and Shin tried to keep from falling to the ground in defeat. There was no exit. There wasn't even the ability to disappear and kill himself to save everyone else. There was nothing left. Tears began to fall from his eyes. Damnit. he couldn't even save the people who mattered to him the most. He couldn't save them by destroying himself so they wouldn't bother to come and fall against Kyou. But. Kyou was human, wasn't he? And all humans had weaknesses. but what was Kyou's? That was the question. but. Yama stared. What else could he do? There was nothing he could say or do that would confirm or deny what Tai had just said. If he asked Tai, it would only appear stupid and insignificant. If he stayed silent for much longer, Tai would disappear out of his life again, and the bright spot that he brought to Yama's miserable existence would vanish. But Kyou. Why was he with Kyou? Yama suddenly realized that the only reason holding him back, holding him to Kyou was a fear. "Taichi?" he asked softly. Tai didn't meet his eyes, keeping them trained on the ground, but his hand not letting go of Yama's arm. Yama knew that within mere moments Tai would remember and pull away, and he knew he had to stop him. "Do you still want an answer?" he whispered in what he hoped was a calm, even tone. A shaky nod was the only confirmation he needed. "Kyou says he loves me--no, let me finish," Yama put in as he saw Taichi's head jerk up, eyes filled with disbelief and his expression so deeply upset. "Let me tell you a story, Taichi--one I've wanted to tell you for a while." He fought the urge to break away from the contact they had, scared of something he couldn't place. Yama knew Tai needed that comfort at the moment. He'd need it more as soon as he heard this. "When Kyou asked me out. I didn't know what to do. Did I love him? No. But I felt I knew that the person I liked--loved, maybe--would never love me. Never even look twice at me. What was I supposed to do? On one hand, I had security, and a place in school society I'd never even been close to-- or I could hold onto this dream I had of this person who could never feel the same. "What sort of decision is that? I held onto the dream. "But then. that person. they got involved with someone. And. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have anyone to turn to, I'd burned all my bridges a long time ago. But Kyou was there. He offered me a chance with him again. My dream was already shattered. so I accepted. "He says he loves me--I know what you're going to say, I've heard it before, so let me finish, Taichi. He's. not as bad as people seem to think. I'm not saying he's the best person in the world either, but. he loves me, and he takes care of me. He was the only one there for me when I needed someone most. He's given me everything I have right now--and he's stood by me through everything. Even though... even if I had another chance, I don't know if I could take it. Can you understand that?" Yamato asked finally, barely daring to breathe. Tai was silent for a long minute. "And that's it?" he finally asked. Yamato nodded. "And that's it?" Tai asked, almost incredulously. At Yamato's nod, he laughed bitterly. "So, that's it then. That's the entire reason you're staying with that guy? That's the reason?" He was laughing, tears were running down his cheeks, and he knew if he looked up at Yamato again, he would crack. Or maybe he already had. Who knew? For all Taichi knew, this could be a dream and he'd wake up in a second. Or not. "Well then, Yama, let me tell you my story." ---------------------- Cliffhanger? Perhaps. 


End file.
